The funeral

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The funeral

Post by YourGreatLeader on Tue Mar 24, 2015 6:05 pm

“Dearly beloved,” Jebadiah started his scene. “We are gathered here today to celebrate the life of a dear brother, because even though we did not know him, we are all brothers and sisters in Christ. Birthed from the same wound, spat out from the same cunt of the universe, we are brought into this world naked and wet, and go out the same way. Then, not long after the afterbirth has all but dried, we are reduced to dust, and return to the earth, to be consumed by worms and to be shat on by various bugs and microbes, just as God intended.

“Then, after our bodies are reduced to mush, our souls all go to the afterlife, the cradle in the sky, where we can either suckle on the tit of the Virgin Mary, or get fucked up the ass by Satan. And I’m afraid, my fellow ass brothers, that this man is now filled with the Devil’s semen as we speak, because, if the length of his nose is correct, he was a Jew, and Jesus hates Jews. All kikes will go hell, along with the rag heads, the chinks, and all smart people, whose minds have become corrupted by that limy Richard Dawkins, and that Muslim Obama. They will all go to hell, along with the gays and feminazis, woman who kill babies, Perez Hilton, men with no balls, people who want to take away our guns, Democrats, Libtards, all of Hollywood, scientists, people who believe in dinosaurs, people who touch themselves, people who touch themselves in church, people who touch themselves during confession, people who’ve never had confession and people who eat pussy and penises, and put who don’t do it missionary.

“May he rest peacefully in hell. Go in peace, butt brothers and sisters in Christ.”

Adonis stood up and clapped alone in the crowd and made his way out the church. Aisling and Marcus sat in the pew with raised eyebrows.

“Who let him do this again?” Marcus whispered to no one in particular. Aisling looked over to Marcus.

“He’s done this before?” Aisling said. Now she understood why Dawn had refused the invitation to join.

“Once or twice now, you should have been here last time. He went into a rant about how Ghandi would be violated in the Circle of Lust.” Marcus said amused.

“I mean I knew it was going to bad but it was like a train wreck. I just couldn’t look away.” Aisling said

“Anyway I’m gone,” He gets up and leaves the room lighting a cigarette on the way out.
Aisling proceeded to the front of the chapel she took one last looked at the stage and saw the Jebadiah proceed to the backroom in what seemed like assless chaps.

She paid her respect to the dead man. Jackson Michaels. The man she had found in the street. He looked different without all the blood. She still couldn’t believe that there were no leads to his murder. She had asked Dawn multiple times and Dawn had said that they were looking into it. Dawn was very vague about it.

She finally left the chapel and saw dawn talking to Adonis about something. She looked like she had just come from a run.

“I’m supposed to put in flowers for Jackson Michaels. Do you know where he lives?” Adonis asked in an offhanded manner.

“He’s the guy that died.” Dawn said before glancing down at her phone.

“Well do I still get paid?” Adonis asked.

Dawn put her head phones back in but Aisling flagged her down. Dawn took a breath before removing her earbuds and turning to the reporter.

“Look, there are no leads in the case. I will let you know when I know.” Dawn said.

Aisling waved her hand in surrender. “No, no that’s not what I want to know. I just wanted to know if you can show me any available properties. I’m looking to buy.”

Dawn looked at her confused before smiling again. “I suppose I could show you a few but I’m kind of busy right now. How about I meet you here in an hour?”

“That’s sounds great.”

YourGreatLeader
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